Some people get strong feelings and they somehow know what is to come. It doesn’t happen often for me but when I feel a certain way I normally turn out to be spot on. I typically love being right, about everything, but not this time.

Ah, the first beta test. Some women have to go through the entire two week wait thing. I’ve mentioned before that Dr. Fisch’s office doesn’t actually do two weeks of sitting around. Last Wednesday was our frozen transfer and with my first beta test on the following Tuesday, I’m only 6dp6dt at the time of the test. That’s super early! Last time I was so happy to test this early because it gave me a piece of mind I had been dying for.

But last time I had all the fun early pregnancy symptoms. The nausea, the vomiting, the complete and utter exhaustion. Deep down I knew that I was pregnant and the early test helped put me at ease. This time however.. Sure, I feel more tired than I usually am but that could be because I’m spreading myself too thin. Other than my sleepiness there are no other symptoms, at all.

Mother dearest and I were about to go on a test drive in a new car when I got the call. Paul was there so I put the call on speaker phone so he could hear it directly. My previous first beta the nurse called with the news, this time the doctor himself was calling me. I immediately knew we weren’t about to receive good news. We were looking for an HCG level of around 10 and I’m not even at 1. I was expecting the answer but it hurt no less. We were told to keep doing the PIO and estrogen just in case and we’ll be doing another test on Thursday.

I have read that frozen transfers take longer to implant but have also read that it’s no different than a fresh transfer. I’ve read success stories about women with such a low first beta but have also read the sad stories too. My head is filled with facts and stories swirling around and I’m so tired. If this round doesn’t work Paul wants to look into switching doctors which I’m not a fan of. He also wants to take some time off from trying but I make my opinion on that pretty clear. The closer I get to 30 the smaller our chances become. (Not to say that women over 30 can’t get pregnant, but it does add to the struggle unfortunately.) With this stupid process costing so much, and the other financial obligations that will never go away, I’m on the verge of calling it quits completely if this round doesn’t take.

So that’s my update. A whole lot of nothing going on really. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve going through this, or why this is something so many couples have to go through.

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