At church we’re going through a series called “Hope For All.” Basically it’s all about how through God we can find hope. It seemed the perfect series to go through during the holiday season but it was especially meaningful for Paul and I as we go through our IVF journey.
At one point during the series members were asked to write down what they hope for. It could be financial stability, some sort of healing, family togetherness, really whatever you felt you need hope for. Paul and I didn’t even have to think about this one. At the same time we both said “baby.” It was a very emotional time for us to sit through this service. We have both prayed everyday that the bleeding is nothing and that the baby is fine but it’s hard. It is so darn hard to keep our faith alive and strong when it feels like our hope for this baby is slipping through our grasp.
I also pray every single day for the women I have met through infertility forums and through the local Facebook group I’m part of. Before being in this position I had no idea what so many couples go through. In the beginning I felt a lot of anger that there are so many young girls having babies that don’t even want them. I felt anger that there are couples actively trying to conceive and they can’t even take care of themselves. I know of a couple trying to get pregnant and neither of them have cars and they’re both living with their parents. I’m just like, really?! Paul is such a wonderful father figure to Savannah, we live in a beautiful home, and can provide a child with all that life can offer. But we’re incapable of having a child the old fashioned way. It’s just not fair.
But this is the card we were dealt. This is the plan God had for us. He would not give us trials that we cannot handle, or so I keep telling myself. Through Him, and some really amazing science, we have hope. Even though there has been an incredible amount of bleeding, I’m still pregnant in my mind and right now, that’s good enough for me.
**Paul and I go to Central Christian Church here in Las Vegas but they have campuses all over, even one in Australia! You can watch services online at centralonline.tv.**