Have you ever looked forward to an event as if it were Christmas day? Have you ever been so distraught over having to go somewhere that you would rather be in close proximity to a spider? (I’m terrified of pretty much all bugs.) I felt these things all at once when having to face our post D&C appointment with Dr. Fisch.
If you’ve been following along you will know that I had my D&C in January and we sent our little baby off to be tested. It was a really tough time for me (the miscarriage was all my fault it turns out) and I was anxious about the results. What if our baby stopped growing because of this genetic thing we weren’t aware of? What if there is something wrong with my uterus? But OMG what if I can’t carry any more children?! Or the absolute worst scenario, what if there are no results at all?
I was a nervous wreck, like usual. Paul tried his best to soothe me and get me excited to be trying for a baby again. Which, yeah I am excited for that. I lost the weight the medications caused from the first round so I’m ready to blow up again. I never thought in my entire life that I would look forward to getting big right before summer hits.
I excitedly and reluctantly went into Dr. Fisch’s office with Paul at my side. Dr. Fisch tells us that the baby was a girl and that the test shows no results. He explains that because the baby was so small and because he scraped out my uterine lining that it could have been my lining that was actually tested, thus giving us a “normal girl” result. Of course in all of this I can’t get a simple answer. Through all of this lunacy I would have thought I deserved an answer but nope, not this time.
Dr. Fisch goes on to say that he isn’t really sold on this result. He knows that there was something wrong with the baby and that it would have never been a healthy child. A weird band does not just wrap around the gestational sac for no reason. I ask about our next steps and as usual, that isn’t a simple answer either. Dr. Fisch doesn’t want to test our three frozen embryos because the risk of damaging them or having them completely die is too high so we’re left with some interesting options. We can discard these three and completely start over so we can add the chromosome testing. We can have Paul do genetic counseling to see if he is also a carrier of this thing his sister carries and move on from there. We can just take a really huge risk and continue on as if nothing ever happened. It’s a tough choice but Dr. Fisch recommends finding out if our insurance will cover the genetic counseling.
Of course, our insurance does not cover it and with the cost of one test almost equal to what I paid for in medications to begin with, we decide to move on with our three frozen embryos. A family member thinks we shouldn’t risk using the frozen ones but there is no way I’m abandoning our babies. For a second I thought of donating them to another family but I couldn’t live with the thought that all three of them could cause other people to go through what we’re going through or even that these three are born to others and not us. I’m a selfish person it seems.
So that’s that. We got no answer as to what happened to our baby, this whole thing might or might not happen again, and we have no idea of any other health/genetic issues that might not be shared with us. Right now we are not so patiently waiting for my next period to start so we can plan for a March FET (frozen embryo transfer). I had a period at the beginning of February and let me just tell you, the period after a miscarriage is the most painful thing I can think of. It felt as if I were giving birth to Savannah all over again. I’m assuming this is what it would have felt like had I miscarried naturally. Here we are, waiting around, again.
Do people still sue other people for emotional distress? (I have to point out that this is sarcasm because some people cannot read sarcasm.)